I would like to thank.....

I have just returned from a very exciting short holiday in New York to find that my little effort at blogging has been placed 78th in the top 100 Conservative blogs in the Total Politics lists for 2009.

Wow! What an honour (or is that honor?) to be placed in the list for the first time. Considering that I have been effectively inactive for the last few months it amazes me that I have been noticed by any one, especially as there are so many better and more interesting contributors out there.

I hope this will spur me on to make more of an effort over the coming months. Many thanks to those of you that voted for me.

Good result for me - bad news for society

I was very happy receive a call from the local police's burglary prevention unit earlier today to say that they had caught the little swine who robbed us last week. He is a heroin addict who, together with three friends, has been roaming the local neighbourhood for the last couple of months during the early hours and carrying out opportunistic thefts to fund their habit. He had coughed up all his TIAs - presumably so he gets a more lenient sentence - but apart from a ladies watch - none of the property he has stolen has been recovered.

Although I had insurance I am more than the £50 excess out of pocket - for example, the new laptop I have received only has 'trial' software loaded on it which will cost me well over £100 to re-purchase in a couple of months. And then there is the loss of about five years-worth of family photos that were stored on that CD which has not been recovered.

As he sits in his cell on remand, receiving his regular doses of methadone, I wonder if he contemplates the irony of his incarceration? He has had to work hard to fund his habit but now his whole existence will be funded by the taxpayer without any effort on his part. No doubt when he starts his sentence at Her Majesty's pleasure he will have ready access to copious supplies of heroin and any other drugs he fancies. He will also be able to develop his skills as a thief by way of the master classes run by his fellow criminal masterminds. In a relatively short time he will be out on the streets again and no doubt putting his new found thieving skills into practice.

It also seems that there is a remarkably efficient black market industry that allows these thieves to turn their ill-gotten gains into hard cash (or drugs) almost immediately they have stolen them. What does this say about British society when so many people appear to be prepared to buy obviously stolen goods?

A warning from another victim - lock all your doors!

I seem to remember reading a report a few months ago that the recession would lead to an increase in crime levels as more people were forced to thieve to survive. Well, it seems to be true.

Last Thursday morning at about 5.40am a little toe rag tried our front door and found it unlocked - don't ask why but both Mrs Ted and I thought we had locked it - and walked off with our laptop and many precious photos that had been carefully copied to CDs but stupidly stored in the same bag. A few other items of minor value went too but fortunately the thief missed my car keys, wallet (containing my credit/debit cards and various other invaluable items) which I keep (or used to keep, conveniently) in a drawer in the kitchen.

The local police were very quick and efficient in collecting all the details and examining the "crime scene", as well as giving us a pack of information about how to improve our home security. (We have already had new locks fitted, marked everything with our post code and house number and taken to removing our valuables to our bedroom every night.)

The worst aspect of this experience though is, as those of you who have suffered something similar will know, the feeling that you somehow want revenge on the individual that has violated your home. My wife is finding it difficult to sleep - not because she is afraid of it happening again - but because of the loss of our precious photographs. That CD was probably thrown in a skip by the evil little specimen who committed this crime without any thought for his victims.

"Tough on crime: tough on the causes of crime." Yeah!

On a lighter note....

I hear that Caroline Flint - who was Gordon's bit of Cabinet window dressing - is already on holiday in the south of France. She decided to take the family hound with her but unfortunately it smelt a rat!

This says it all - God help us all!

Oh come all ye faithful!

All those of you that believe in the benefits of the nanny state introduced by this Labour government should read THIS advice provided by the NHS to young people.

What the f**k is going on? I don't know if I'm coming or going.

"The situation we are in is pretty serious"

John Major is one of my unsung heroes of the political landscape over the last couple of decades. In this interview on the Andrew Marr show he has set out in very clear terms what a disaster this country is facing and what should be done to avoid it.

Now where was I?

Oh yes - I remember now. I decided to take a break from blogging. At the time I could see that the MPs' expenses "scandal" was going to dominate the political agenda for weeks to come and I knew it would become very tedious.

It has worked its way through the body politic's system and most of the resultant waste products have been expelled into the toilet of history. Now we can start to get back to some serious politics.

Despite some rumours to the contrary I am not dead nor have I been sectioned. I am just as committed to making sure that this odious Labour Government is kicked out of office at the next General Election so convincingly that they never get their hands on the levers of power for generations to come!

Blogging Break

Although I know this will devastate both my regular readers, I am taking a few weeks off from this blogging lark. No doubt all this furore over MPs' expenses will have settled down and, by then, the Green Party will be on 50% plus in the opinion polls, Alan Johnson will be the Prime Minister and there will be blue birds over the white cliffs of Dover.

I expect to be back in harness for the results of the June 4th elections - so see you both then.

Is it just me or is Mandelson's nose getting bigger?

Peter - if you live by the sword of spin you will die by it.